6 Red Flags in Relationships You Should Avoid
Navigating relationships can sometimes feel like fighting dragons in a dungeon. I've covered shitty friends; now it’s time for the shitty partners (I also really like making lists, haha).
We’ve all been there. One day, everything's peachy with your sweet Anakin Skywalker and the next, you're being force-choked by Darth Vader himself. And then there’s Bellatrix Lestrange—yes, the Death Eater from Harry Potter. Cunning, devoted, sexy and loyal to a fault, but beneath that? A chaos-loving, dark witch through and through.
Now we’ve all done it, too, haven’t we? Ignoring those glaring red flags because we clung to the hope of 'good Anakin' making a comeback, or perhaps because of where we were in our lives at the time. But let me lay it out straight—none of us deserve to be stuck in that loop.
So, what are these red flags? (Trigger warnings)
1. Never Wrong in an Argument
This is also gaslighting 101, something I wish I had known when I was younger. They hurt your feelings and are quick to get defensive over small things. They’re never wrong; even when you’re right, they’ll make you believe that you’re wrong and are stupid.
If you’re holding your breath to hear “I’m sorry” from these people. Guess what? You’ll just suffocate and die. Or maybe you will, but it’ll be in the form of, “I’m sorry, but you’re wrong!” There’s no respect, and you’ll never win with them.
Do yourself a favour, pack your bags and leave.
2. Inability to Be Vulnerable
Showing vulnerability isn’t a sign of weakness. Pretending to be macho isn’t cute. Know what is cute? Kittens, quokkas and puppies. Did I mention any humans in that list? No. So stop with the act.
Vulnerability is a bridge to intimacy. Your relationship should be your safe space. Sure, some fun banter is healthy, but it should be safe to open up. It’s about trust, and if they can’t trust the person they claim to love to be vulnerable with, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate.
3. Lack of Empathy
Take a look at how they treat strangers. Yes, that includes servers, retail workers, etc. Do they insist on talking to the manager, throwing food or yelling at these poor souls just trying to do their jobs? If they can’t show basic kindness to those around them, don’t expect the same.
You can argue, “Oh, he/she treats me differently.” Keep telling yourself that. You’re forgetting it’s the courtship phase. They want you to believe that, and when you need their kindness most, don’t expect any genuine empathy or support.
You’ll just end up going through life thinking you’re not enough. But you are! You are “Kenough!”
4. Lack of Effort
Relationships are a two-way street. If they can’t meet you halfway, what’s the point? It’s supposed to be a partnership, but if you’re left feeling lonely, don’t even bother. If they love you, they’ll put in the effort without you asking.
And don’t go thinking a marriage and kids will fix this. If they’re not putting effort into the two of you, don’t expect them to put in any more effort than that. Now you’re stuck with two babies and aren’t paid for it.
Seriously, at this point, just get a pet. Cats purr on you if you’re sick, and dogs will never let you be lonely.
5. Hygiene—Yes, It Matters
Okay, this may sound shallow, but basic cleanliness is non-negotiable. Don’t expect head if you don’t wash your ass! That shit stinks, okay? Plus, now you’re giving your partner UTIs, and that shit is painful. Get a bidet, and no, it’s not gay. Seriously, invest in one; it’ll change your life.
And for Christ's sake, please shower. How hard is it to hop in to wash yourself after sports? Letting soap run down your legs isn’t cleaning; please learn to scrub.
If you’re a biological hazard, you should be disposed of properly.
6. Emotional and Physical Abuse
What more do I need to say? This is the biggest red flag! No form of abuse should ever be tolerated! Period! Soooo GTFO!!!
No, it won’t get better. It’s a vicious cycle for those who’ve been through it; I’ve been there. That honeymoon phase that happens afterwards that’s to keep you trapped. So run now! In all seriousness, you should also seek help and support from loved ones.
“If You Don’t Love Yourself, How in the Hell You Gonna Love Somebody Else?”
RuPaul says it best! Learn to love yourself first. If you can’t love the person who matters most to you (YOU!), you’re not going to be able to love someone else properly. Plus, if you do, you’ll drive away the riff-raff mentioned above!
Learn the signs and start dodging! Empower yourself to seek out a partner who is truly worthy of you.