How I Keyboard-Smashed My Way to Becoming a Writer
Looking back, I ask myself, why the hell haven’t I done this earlier?! But the past is the past. It’s time to look forward! But before I get there, let’s revisit the past to get the whole story.
Growing up, we were told to find stability, to be doctors or engineers, or to simply find a nice cushy office job. Let’s be real; I’m too stupid to be a doctor or engineer. I never paid attention in science class, ok? But I did ace English and Social Studies! I was also good with art, mainly painting (which I haven’t done in yeeeaaarrrsss!!)
But what did my dumbass do? I went into accounting. Can I get a B-O-R-I-N-G?! But hey, it was stable and did help me get to where I am today. It also helped me learn a lot about myself, which is a plus looking back.
Can I also mention that being an accountant at a large law firm makes you grow a backbone really fucking quick? And boy, the burnout was real! I was always stressed and needed shopping therapy. There were times my old cat forgot who I was because I was too busy smashing away at my keyboard to a promotion or big raise. To no one’s surprise, I got neither. Not to mention, I was dealing with a lot of trauma on top! (But that’s a different story!)
And, of course, I hit the glass ceiling. Not only in my career but also in my life. But like most, I became a creature of habit. Sitting there in my dark corner desk, stroking my Ring of Hopelessness and whispering, “My precious.”
I was too scared to quit. My brain wouldn’t shut up. It was always telling me, “Was I giving up? What will people think of me? What if it’s all just the same if I go somewhere else? Everyone else is doing it. Suck it up!”
Okay, brain, fuck off! I’m done getting beat up. I’m so over not creating things I love. I’m done being buried under all the trauma, invoices, angry emails and yelling lawyers. I need to get out. I realized if I didn’t get myself out, no one else would.
Hello Pandemic!
Then COVID graced us with her presence. Now you may hate it or love it, but I loved it. Got to pack up my desk and work from home. No more stupid small talk. No more commuting. I saved money. I even went hard with investing!
What does investing have anything to do with it? Well, it landed me my next gig!
As people were complaining, I was living for it. It opened my eyes that life can be different and will be different. With the support of my husband, I decided to pull the plug and start over.
Yes, I was in my 30s, but YOLO, right? Although I haven’t officially gotten into writing yet, I still got to do a ton of it at my new job! And yes, I started from the bottom in a compliance-type role I’ve never worked in before. Scary right? But I didn’t care. I was given creative freedom in my new role and it made me feel alive.
I got to pick up any copy duties within my team and be involved with content too!
Did I Find My Calling?
Three months in? I was given the opportunity at the same company to do something new again. Yes, that’s right! Another restart. I was scared shitless, but I had already caught the bug. I did it once; why not again?!
I moved into recruiting and got to keep my creativity. Like Batman, I kept adding new weapons to my arsenal. With the tremendous help of my mentor, I fell in love with recruiting. Well, more than accounting, that’s for sure!
But hey, when something sounds too good to be true. It usually is. All good things come to an end. Ahoyhoy, tech layoffs!! Fiiiiine! Take what I liked away from me.
At least I made a bunch of new friends and gained a bunch of skills!
Where Do I Go From Here?
But man, that day, I sure was sad. I remember turning to my husband and saying, “Let’s go get McDonald’s.” He didn’t need to be asked twice, LOL. Now, further into my dirty 30s, I was left with a lot of questions and wondering where to go.
So, I did what any sane person would do. I slept in. A lot! And let me tell you, that was glorious! I also got to enjoy all the cat cuddles, travelled and started a YouTube channel doing makeup reviews. Little did I know but that channel opened the doors for me to take the next step in being a creative.
But me being me, the biggest defiler of my goddamn soul, I keyboard-smashed my way through the job boards. I picked up an accounting gig for a few months, thinking I was doing something for myself. All I did was give myself depression and had so much rage I put Wolverine to shame.
It was like taking an ex back. But I guess I like pain. After two months of bitching and crying to my husband, he made me realize what I had to do. It’s not weak. It was time to find the strength to leave…again!
For those who like stability, I must be giving you an aneurysm right now.
So I quit and destroyed my soul some more. I sent off more job applications. Guess what? Crickets …
I started doubting my existence and bitched a lot at all the ghosting, etc. I felt like I was letting everyone around me down again.
Here I Am…Writing, Finally!!
Then, one of my close friends encouraged me to get into writing. After all, I’ve always loved writing. I started when I was a wee one, right up until I got an adult job, which ruined it all.
I did make up some bullshit excuses to myself and was like, “But I want a cushy job, wah wah wah!” Realizing how stupid I sounded; I decided to take things into my own hands.
With the support of my husband, cat, friends and fam, I went all in. It wasn’t easy, but what is? At least I can take what I love and slowly turn it into a job. Not many get to say that!
Now, before you ask, I’m still in the process of building up, but it’s going well! I’ll get there!
But I’m human and stupid, so I will have days where a stable paycheque tempts me. I’ll peek at what's out there for my previous jobs, but it feels like I’m cutting myself. I remind myself that’s not what I want. I need to be in this all the way.
Will I fail? Maybe. But I can’t think like that. I just need to write every day, push myself and try new styles. Feels weird that I can sleep in still and not have a set schedule. That stupid voice still tells me I’m not productive because I’m not doing a 9-5. But I know that voice is a little bitch and needs to go away. I know I’m making progress!
For the first time, I can truly say that I love what I do!